Sexual Abuse: The concluding part

Bayo whose story was used in the first part of this topic explained that after his parent tried all forceful methods to call him to order with no avail, they tried a more subtle approach that involves talking and been more sensitive to his needs with time he opened about all he went through in the hands of his aunt which resulted in his aggressive behaviour. They apologize for all their insensitivity and tried to make up for all their lapses. As Mothers, mentors and even advisors, we have to live up to our responsibilities and save our younger generation from a stigma that can remains with them for the rest of their life. The truth is when a child starts suffering from the result of this abuse we are equally affected directly or indirectly. Recently, I overheard someone saying she doesn’t want to have a female child because they are more vulnerable to sexual abuse than their male counterpart. She is to an extent right but does anyone have the power to determine the sex of a foetus?
Research has shown that a child that has been sexually abused once can become a victim of another sexual abuse. To prevent a reoccurrence, the following should be done when a child has been sexually abused
- Be calm. Do not frighten the child.
- Allow the child to explain in his or her own words what happened. Do not interrogate the child so as not to confuse the child and make it harder to continue the story
- Reassure the child that it's not the child’s fault that he/she was abuse and give the child an assurance that he/she has got your back
- Arresting the culprit (If you desire however some parent will prefer not to make it a police case to protect the young child from stigma I agree to that too)
- Make sure that there is a distance between the culprit and the affected child. That is the child will not have to see this wicked individual for a long period of time. To enable the child gets over the trauma and depression.
- In a severe case that you cannot handle (even if you can handle it) it’s advisable to contact a notable child psychologist.
To protect a child from sexual abuse, the following should be done;
- Do not instruct children to give relatives hug and kisses. Let them express affection on their own terms
- Teach your children basic sexual education. Let them know that no one should touch any "private" parts of their body.
- Develop a good relationship with your children
- Teach your children that sexual advances from adults are wrong and against the law
- Some perpetrators try to instil fear into a child (e.g. If you tell your mum, I will kill every member of your family). Let your children know that no one is to be feared.
- Be prayerful
Children are priceless jewels, and the need to treat them as such can never be overemphasized. Show them you care and if you are still on the queue be ready to show them all the care and give them all the needed attention.

References:
American psychological association
www.rainn.org

How to eat fruits!!

Fruits should be eaten on empty stomach. This will play a major role to detoxify the system, supply energy for weight loss and other life activities.

Sexual Abuse

Mummy, I can never fail in class again says Sade.
Mummy asked why?
‘Because my Uncle (teacher) will tell me the answers only if I will allow him put his hands into my pants during break.…’
The issue of sexual abuse has been very prevalent in the world that we live in and our younger ones especially children are the most vulnerable. Paedophiles are everywhere ready to violate this children, uncles raping their little nieces, pastors defiling their church members, female/male house helps fondling with our boys and girls, exposure of a young child to pornographic materials and the recent rape of a youth corper in Nigeria by an Oba, has continued to make me wonder “what really is wrong with the world and why the moral decadence”?
Recounting his experience bayo said “when my aunt started abusing me sexually at a tender age of ten I gave my parent especially my mom some signs that I was been violated but they did not understand these signs. With time I became frustrated, depressed, and withdrawn. To show my parent my disappointment and lack of trust in them I became aggressive, unruly and withdrawn”. Children show signs in their little way to their parents and loved ones when they are been abused. Some even go the extra mile (Especially when you have a good relationship with them) to tell you of such happenings. This is where sensitivity of the parents and adults around comes in.
Signs of sexual abuse includes
- Withdrawal from parents, toys, friends
- Consistent nightmares
- Sitting/walking in an abnormal way
- Loss of interest in his/her academics or extra curriculum activities like sport
- Violence and aggression towards everyone
- Fear of been around a certain person, place and location
- Having panics or fears due to flashback of the abuse
- Inappropriate sexual knowledge and interest (Due to the sexuality of the child been aroused at a tender age, the child may engage in masturbation and pornography)
** If a child shows one or two of this sign does not necessarily means he/she is abused but you need to dig deeper to confirm or allay your fears.
Parents especially mothers (because we have seen cases of fathers sexually abusing their children), must be able to balance career and family. These children need our attention. Talk with them on the signs of sexual abuse; be their best friend, listen to their cries and need. it is known that children always have problems expressing themselves so be patient with them, correct them in love, avoid snapping at them, let them see you as someone they can chat with on anything and everything. Never trust anyone more than your children; Be it your pastors, brothers, uncles, sisters and even the house helps because most times they are the perpetrators of this evil. To be continued