Attention tussles between husband and child: Relationship Balance

“I lost my wife to my daughters’ immediately after their birth” lamented Mr Ekpo, a father of twin (Joy &Glory) and I have since resorted to been the second option in my house as he welcomes his friend whose wife just put to bed the company of disserted husbands who has lost the comfort and love they get from their wives as soon as their kids were born.
Men are sometimes bitter about losing their wives to their children. For some men, it starts as early as pregnancy losing the bed and all, and most women don’t care enough for them any longer their defense been they are responsible for it and all.

I really feel mothers because it’s not easy to carry a foetus in your womb for nine months, enter into the delivery room to deliver (one of my friends said she visited hell and came back several times during her delivery period that lasted over 10 hours) and watch such a fragile baby at birth blossom into a beautiful or handsome child. The fact is we will do anything even if it’s to give all our undivided attention to such a child. My interview with a nursing mother reveals that at the initial stage of birth, seeing that the baby is helpless and the child’s survival depends on the mother, naturally the attention shifts to the baby, in her words the understanding of the man is needed 100%. Why would a man understand the sudden shift of attention from him to the child? Some women even go to the extent of diverting all their love to their child. That is neglecting your first love (husband) that equally needs your attention and care. Inside that macho man is a baby that is desperately craving for attention and you must give it to him because a time will come when it’s the relationshipyou’ve built with your husband over the years that will see you through boredom and loneliness of old age when all your children are all gone trying to build their own homes. As a multitasked creation there is a need to be able to balance your love and affection between our husband and children.
We all know that after a while husbands and wives starts looking like each other (even though I don’t think it’s been proven by research yet) and for this to happen the couples must have really bonded. I see older couples loving themselves over and over again major reason been that when they were raising their kids they didn’t lose touch of the love and affection they have for each other and we should emulate this so that after our children are gone we still have our first and only love (our husbands) to fall back on as our succor.
Solutions: Communication is key as the woman needs to continually feed the man with information about the baby, another key thing is letting the man do some of the vigils, change diapers, help with feeding (when breast milk is expressed), help with drugs and all, all this will give the man a sense of belonging rather than neglect.
One truth that needs to be digested is the fact that the family has changed for life and going forward we all must move with the change. The sad thing is that the children will one day look us in the face and walk away the same way we walked away from our parents.